Um.

Excerpt: 50 Shades of Ace

“Betty Crocker okay with you?”

“I know nothing about cake, Christian. I’m sure it will be fine.” My voice is soft and hesitant. My heart is thumping. I want to run. This is seriously ace. Seriously over-the-top Keri Hulme-style ace. What am I doing here? You know very well what you’re doing here, my subconscious sneers at me. Yes, I want to be in Christian Grey’s bed. I’m 21 years old and I’ve never had a pillow fight. It’s time.

“Here.” He hands me a slice of cake. Even the plates are ace … purple and gray striped ceramic. I take a bite, and the cake is light, soft, and delicious.

“You’ve very quiet, and you’re not even blushing. In fact, I think this is the palest I’ve ever seen you, Anastasia,” he murmurs.

“It’s a very ace place you have here.”

“Ace?”

“Ace.”

“It’s ace,” he agrees, and his eyes glow with amusement. I take another bite of cake.

“Do you play?” I point my chin at the X-box.

“Yes.”

“Well?”

“Yes.”

“Of course you do. Is there anything you can’t do well?”

“Yes … a few things.” He takes a bite of his cake. He doesn’t take his eyes off me. I feel them following me as I turn and glance around this vast room. ”Room” is the wrong word. It’s not a room—it’s a police box.

“Do you want to sit?”

I nod, and he takes my hand and leads me to the large black couch. As I sit, I’m struck by the fact that I feel like John Watson looking at the apartment that belongs to the notorious Sherlock Holmes. The thought makes me smile.

“What’s so amusing?” He sits down beside me, turning to face me. He rests his head on his right hand, his elbow propped on the back of the couch.

“Why did you give me A Scandal in Bohemia specifically?” I ask. Christian stares at me for a moment. I think he’s surprised by my question.

“Well, you said you liked Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“Is that the only reason?” Even I can hear the disappointment in my voice. His mouth presses into a hard line.

“It seemed appropriate. I could hold you to some impossibly high ideal like Irene Adler or endanger your life like Sherlock Holmes,” he murmurs, and his eyes flash dark and dangerous.

“If there are only two choices, I’ll take the endangerment.” I whisper, gazing at him. My subconscious is staring at me in awe. He gasps.

“Anastasia, stop biting your lip, please. It’s very distracting. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“That’s why I’m here.”

He frowns.

“Yes. Would you excuse me for a moment?” He disappears through a wide doorway on the far side of the room. He’s gone for a couple of minutes and returns with a document.

“This is a indemnity agreement.” He shrugs and has the grace to look a little embarrassed. ”My lawyer insists on it.” He hands it to me. I’m completely bemused. ”If you’re going for option two, endangerment, you’ll need to sign this.”

“And if I don’t want to sign anything?”

“Then it’s Irene Adler high ideals, well, for most of the story anyway.”

“What does this agreement mean?”

“It means if you die, I cannot be held responsible.”

I stare at him in disbelief. Holy shit. It’s bad, really bad, and now I’m very curious to know.

“Okay. I’ll sign.”

He hands me a pen.

“Aren’t you even going to read it?”

“No.”

He frowns.

“Anastasia, you should always read anything you sign,” he admonishes me.

“Christian, what you fail to understand is that I wouldn’t hold you accountable for my death anyway. I wouldn’t be alive to blame you. So it’s immaterial whether I sign an agreement or not. If it means so much to you, or your lawyer … whom you obviously talk to, then fine. I’ll sign.”

He gazes down at me, and he nods gravely.

“Fair point well made, Miss Steele.”

I lavishly sign on the dotted line of both copies and had one back to him. Folding the other, I place it my purse [sic] and take a large bite of cake. I’m sounding so much braver than I’m actually feeling.

“Does this mean you’re going to make love to me tonight, Christian?” Holy shit. Did I just say that? His mouth drops open slightly, but he recovers quickly.

“No, Anastasia, it doesn’t. First, I don’t make love. I cuddle … hard. Second, there’s a lot more paperwork to do. And third, you don’t yet know what you’re in for. You could still want to run for the hills. Come, I want to show you my playroom.” …

50 Shades of Ace, Chapter 6, pp. 94-96